Butters Hitting the Fan

Okay, I don't often have meltdowns.  I'm pretty easy going, very forgiving, not really judgmental and am pretty self-reliant on how I feel about myself.  Oh, and I love to eat.  I love to cook.  I love to entertain.  And I love to go out to lunch.  A lot.....

Since the first of the year I have been trying to get my "butters" under control (butters is my by-word for fat.)  I do self talk- slowly but surely.  Slowly but surely.  And slowly but surely a few butters have melted away.  (Of course, for every few butters I would lose, then I'd go out to dinner or a party and a couple would come back on...but I've been able to get back on the horse.  Not literally, since you know I don't do horses.)  Slowly but surely.

I haven't had a GIANT weight loss but I have done this-

times THREE!!!!!

And that means one dress size, pants size, two top sizes.

And I feel pretty good.

Still a long way to go but I'm feeling good.

Then my self-reliance pummels.  When you lose 15 lbs. after working REALLY HARD- you kind of think someone would notice.

My husband?  Nada (of course when I brought it to his attention, he said "I always think you're beautiful."  Okay, he gets a pass.)

Best friends?  Nada.  Almost best friends?  Nada.  People I meet on the street?  Didn't even give me a sideways glance.

I didn't expect it at 10 but 15?  In my world of weight loss, that is HUGE.

This week I broke.  I had a meltdown with my besties and with my Charm Girls whom I Marco Polo video chat every day on the phone.

My besties apologized and then I had to apologize for making them feel bad for not noticing, and on and on and on.  My Charm Girl friend Fay said, "I thought your face was looking thinner on Marco Polo!"  (thank you!!!!!)  then Charm Girl Pam said "I didn't notice your face looked thinner."  Strike Out and back to square one. (Pam DID say what she notices is that I don't have wrinkles.  That was sweet in another direction.)

This week I had girl's night out. I thought surely if you don't see someone for a month and they lose weight, someone would notice.  I picked up Funny Kathy.  She and I talked several months ago about losing butters and I told her I was doing really well.  She was about to start a different plan.  I picked her up and I could tell she had had success and told her she looked great!  "Oh thanks!"  she said.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Nada.  We get to the restaurant and everyone is ordering dinner and everyone is wanting to share plates until Elaine, the skinny one in the group said, "Why is everyone sharing?"  Brendalyn said, "Because we are all trying to be good."  Funny Kathy looks at me quizzically (this is why we call her Funny Kathy) and said, "You're trying to be good as well?"  Like our previous conversations just flew out her ears.

Okay, I admit.  There have been a few stresses going around and I am weak....and I did come home and wept about 45 seconds.  I told David I feel like I used to before a period with PMS.  That "I need a good cry or at least to slap someone!" feeling.  David didn't volunteer.

Monday David and I drove to Rupert Idaho to meet my brother Gary and wife Cher.  They were bringing Dad in his urn- I was so happy because Dad loves road trips.  We were finally going to bury him with mom.

I am totally feeling 15 pounds thinner.  I'm feeling good.  I'm feeling like even my down size pants are feeling loose.

I haven't seen Gary and Cher for 3 months.  They look at David and I.  I almost hear a drum roll.  My heart starts to quicken.  Another butter melts somewhere.

My brother exclaims, "My heck, David, you've lost weight!  You look great!"


When David and I got into the car, we looked at each other without saying a word- and burst into laughter.  I mean hard laughter.  It was unbelievable.  Okay I might have had a 12-second cry as well but it was hard to tell when you're laughing that hard.

Uncle.  I give.  All the diet emotion is gone.  I needed that good hard slap in the face to realize I'm not the most important body on the earth.  I need to feel satisfied for myself.  I needed something to break my pity party cycle.  It was like when we buried my mom and it was almost time to leave her at the graveside and I could feel my emotion growing and growing....then Rylee came up to me and said, "Grandma, do you know your dress is inside out?!!!"  I heard my mother snort in the casket and it was just what I needed to break my emotional ice.

Pretty sure my mother snorted again at Gary's remark.  We certainly did.  And my dad?  He would say, "I always think my sweetie pie is beautiful."

Sideways Love

So, I'm officially in love with my "sideways" boys.  A week and a half and I'm hooked.  Today, at the beginning of lunch, they had a blessing on the food.  This beautiful black young man gave a long and lovely prayer- invoking that the spirit would settle on these (including him) delinquent boys to help them in their lives.  I just smiled big.  I love that honesty.  Sunday at church Heather Oakeson (our neighbor and fellow worker) called them our "sideways" boys.  That's perfect.  As we meet with the boys individually (there are about 35 that we are working with)- trying to remember names- we learn "their" stories.  Hard and heartbreaking...but it's awesome because our calling is just to serve them and love them and as I told them when introducing ourselves "that we are just two more people on earth to care about them."

This facility used to be a part of a boy's ranch and when I wrote to grandson Josh, on his mission, to tell him about our mission, he had a lot of questions that we laughed over.

lots of questions like:  Is this a church ranch or not?  I guess not since you can't be (my words) "too LDS!" lol

and

What's it mean that it's a ranch- are there horses and cattle and farm chores and cowboy jobs?  What do I need to do be become a "troubled youth!"

and finally

I take it this calling means y'all ain't going on a mission while I'm gone, huh?

Today I taught a class to the Junior High/Middle School boys.  They were so awesome.  I had them write down things they've been called in their lives- labels- good and bad.  I told them that labels identify food and warnings and clothing and brands...but negative labels don't need to be our definition of who we are.  I found some good quotes-

Your biggest enemy is yourself- so be your best friend.

Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much and is still standing.

Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can’t, You are Right.

We label people who are different than we are.

If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

 

and I love this one:

Take Care How You Speak To Yourself- Because You are Listening! 
That's such an important adage for all of us!

I found a wonderful podcast by Alvin Law- a man who was born without arms (because of the drug given to women in the 60's as a sedative.)  He has never lived his life deformed and as a victim.  It is so inspiring- the man knows no limits.  He plays the piano, the trombone, the drums- all with his feet.  He married a beautiful woman who saw "him"- not his labeled identity.  The kids were so attentive (believe me- David and my last Primary class we taught together was 100 times more difficult than this! lol) and our individual meetings with the older boys were awe-inspiring.  Awe-inspiring how immediately you can love people you are called to serve....

They have our hearts.


Whatever you think about yourself, is probably how you will end up living your life.

 

 

Missionary Boy

I just wanted to post a couple of portions of Joshua's letters from his mission.  It's hard.  It's crazy!  He bikes in the scalding heat about 40 miles a day.  Of course he gets called names, life threats, things thrown at him, crazy preachers in the park damning him to hell, etc.  But Josh is loving his mission.  He's an amazing boy and we love him so much!

First of all, I love how creative he is with his letter titles;

18 year old boy in dress clothes rides a bike in the hot sun
and

World's sketchiest bano, zucchini and baptisms :)
and

Tamales, Jesse and Catholics
 

Here are a few pictures with his companion, Elder Peterson from Morgan, Ut. and others-  He's such a beautiful boy!

_{So what had happened - my comp was on the phone and we had just finished teaching a dude (Luis from Cuba, who has disappeared😐) and Elton was driving by in his car, saw us and freaked out, waved me over and started saying "I know you guys, I know you guys!" And told me this long story about meeting with the missionaries in Zimbabwe, leaving Zimbabwe to work here, his family that is still in Zimbabwe, trying to find the missionaries here in Dallas, trying to quit drinking, how that was the only reason he wasn't baptized already, long addiction battle story, and a lot of repeating things he already said, SUPER enthusiastic and happy the whole time😄. We got his info and everything, and then he drove off. Elder Peterson came over halfway through and afterwards told me he didn't understand any of what Elton said. And Elton couldn't understand any of what E Peterson said. But they could both understand me and I could understand them just fine. It was weird. I'm used to translating for people, but this was different, 1- it wasn't Spanish-English, and 2- I was only speaking one language as far as I know but they could both (E Peterson and Elton) understood me. I suppose it's possible that Elton just has a really really thick Zimbabwean accent and I'm good at perceiving what accented English speakers are saying but that doesn't explain why Elton couldn't understand E Peterson when he would speak. And since I believe in miracles, I happen to think God gave me the "gift of tongues" so that we could communicate with his son Elton. It was really cool😊}

 

_{So, last week we had BUCKETS of blessings and found lots of awesome people to teach, this week we got to teach them, and we got to teach the Chavez family, again! There were some new family members present who wanted to listen to our message so we re-shared the restoration with them and it was better this time(we weren't soaking wet and freezing and could better express ourselves). (my note:  last week, it was pouring rain when the boys first biked to meet with the Chavez's.  They gave the boys towels to dry off with but they were still freezing and chattering!  )   We gave them a few more Books of Mormon and talked with them about missionary life, our church, Guatemala and other stuff for a very long time, basically just got to know each other some more, and Aydee (grandma Chavez-Lopez) made us the piña drink she made the first time we met them, inspired by and using the pineapple we bought them and showed up to our lesson with;) They invited us to eat dinner with them but it was like 8:50 and we still needed to bike a good ways home, so we asked if we could next time, they said absolutely, AND Aydee sent us home with a bunch of homemade tamales. We had them for breakfast the next day and I almost cried I was so happy. It was, in a very special way, just like Christmas:) I have never felt so much at home than with their family and eating those heavenly tamales. I love that family with all my heart. Also, Lorenzo, grandpa of the fam, was a sustainable ag farmer back in Guate, so we really get along well😁 (my note: what Josh wants to be when he grows up! lol)}

 

_{Tamales really are like a sweet God wink to him and were a special part of his Christmases growing up (mine too but in a different time.)}

_{Love, Love, Love this boy!}

 

Joshua- letter 6

Marilyn Williams

Mon 8/20/2018, 12:36 AM

Joshua Williams

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Hi, it is a Saturday night and Grandpa went to a roping all day (and all night) in Pocatello so I'm a little lonely and bored.  (I've read my scriptures tonight already- it is the mass destruction in 3rd Nephi- the 3 days of darkness.  Christ speaks tomorrow- I wanted to wait until Sunday (tomorrow) to read that!) and I've watched mindless t.v. and really want to go to bed (but it is even early for ME!)  So I thought I would write you a note.

I have a friend who is serving in the Long Beach Mission with her husband.  Quentin L. Cook was there this week and they had wonderful meetings.  He along with Elder Ballard are the ones who oversaw the Preach My Gospel manual.  He shared a couple of things that I thought I would pass on-

 

“When Elder Ballard and I were compiling it, the First Presidency emphasized that we should write it so that it could not be memorized.  “I want the doctrine in your HEARTS!”  I want you to think of WHO you are teaching. Adapt the lessons to THEIR needs. Teach out of order. MEET their needs.  Don’t be a fire hydrant dispensing knowledge.  They will only remember how they FELT while you were talking.  Don’t worry about covering every point. Testify of Jesus Christ and God’s appearance to Joseph Smith.  Some people need the second lesson first (if the person has recently lost a loved one, for example…)  The missionary being called in D&C 31:7 was told, “I will open the hearts of the people, and they will receive you. And I will establish a church BY YOUR HAND.”  Who will establish a church by whose hand? The people with open hearts will receive you.  If they harden their hearts, they won’t receive the Holy Ghost.  D&C 29:7 “The gathering of mine elect” and “the elect harden not their hearts.”

Watch for things that soften people’s hearts – illness, death, births.  Sometimes these cause people’s hearts to get hardened as well.  But be on the watch for softened hearts…

He told about visiting two wards on the same Sunday. At the first ward, the missionaries were there, but they just sat in the congregation.  They had no interaction with the ward members.  At the second ward, the missionaries stood behind the greeters at the door into the chapel, they smiled, were warm and gracious as they conversed with the members, and in general, were in the “fabric of the lives of the people.”  As I left I thought, “Weren’t those missionaries incredible?  I would feel comfortable referring anyone to them!”

**********

Yesterday I had my second cataract surgery.  It went well- although the drops I have to put in it 4 times a day kind of make my eyesight murky so vision isn't perfect yet.  Tomorrow will be Grandpa and my first time in our new Ward assignment.  I have no idea what to expect- what our duties will be, if we will be serving with girls or boys.  One of Doug's friends is the principal of the school there.  The facility has a huge campus- with ball fields and gymnasiums and separate boy and girl's living areas.  I'm sure I'll have more to share tomorrow after our first visit.

Okay- it is Sunday evening and waiting for you guys to come and play games?  Frowny face.  I don't even know who is watching the kids while your folks are in Hawaii????  We miss you all coming!

Today was interesting and we are still shellshocked as it is an ever-changing program without firm direction.  We teach but we can't teach.  We can't be too LDS but we are LDS.  We will work with the boys (they have about 36 right now and less than half that with the girls).  We will also serve on Tuesdays which will be our real service day.  This week we will just be observing.  Wish us well and keep US in your prayers (last week in the temple, I put on the prayer roll- Elder Joshua Williams and his entire prayer list.  I think that works! lol)

Can't wait to hear your letter tomorrow.  That is a highlight of our day!  We love you so much!  Grandma M.

Oh Life!

Just a short check list of ongoing craziness-

-still having physical therapy twice a week.  Arm is somewhat better but still giving me issues.  Especially sleeping at night.

-today I had my second cataract surgery.  The eye is still goopy from meds they put in it but I'm excited for tomorrow and expect perfection!  Yay!  Medical wonders.

-back to the temple after being gone 3 weeks- 2 for temple cleaning and 1 week with the flu.  It was so nice to be back....but it is too quiet since the Jordan River temple opened.  We need more busy.  It makes a long day when it is slow.

So- Saturday we get a call to meet with the Stake President on Sunday morning.  Both David and I were teaching that day so that threw off our schedule (lol)- but now the meeting has thrown off our life!

President England called us on a 3-year service calling (used to be called a service mission) to a troubled youth facility.  We have no idea exactly we will be doing but what we do know is that we will be out of our Ward FOR THREE YEARS!  That is like serving two missions!  I'm in shock/mourning/denial/shock and bigger shock about this.  Our Ward is our family and I want to see everyone of them every single week.  In 3 years whole lives change! (You know how I hate change.  I know I will LOVE the new calling and opportunities but right now I am mourning my losses...)

And besides our Sunday service, it will also require a day during the week which will affect our temple service as well.   We have served in the Draper Temple for almost 3 years and I adore the people I serve with.  Another loss.

I'm trying not to be a Debbie Downer but I remember reading that when we go through loss, we also go through the several stages of grief...and that's okay. (shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or religious in nature.)  That's how we heal.  That's how we move on.(and I'm not going to go through bargaining, guilt, anger or depression about this- I'm actually excited for the adventure and the other couples we will be serving with)….but I am an old dog and new tricks are a little difficult.  Especially on my heart

 I'm going to give myself permission to grief for a few days- then Sunday we'll get up and go to work!  (If this comes out with a million errors it is because I really can't see out of my new eye yet)  
Life is certainly never boring around here.  I keep trying to be a slug but Heavenly Father's will just keeps getting in the way!!!!

Personal Revelation at Work

 

I have been thinking about the importance of personal revelation since I taught last month in RS.  It's such an important facet of my life.  I LOVE the Lord and I love the relationship I have with him- and his very personal communication with me.  Imagine how I felt when I read this part of Josh's first missionary letter.  (In the Mexico Language Training Center.  Had only been there a couple of weeks.)

 

Last Thursday we{everyone in my district, 13 of us total} were all assigned to write a 5-minute talk for Sunday about the great apostasy, and they'd pick one of us and let us know who when they announced it at the stand. Well, I prepared mine and then about halfway through the sacrament hymn I felt the Spirit telling me{very directly and bluntly, I didn't realize it could be that way, but it can I guess}, to trash my prepared talk and talk about something else, personal apostasy. 1, I didn't even know who was going to speak yet, and 2, why me, and 3, what the heck! Well guess what, I ended up speaking and don't even know what half of what I said was, but all our branch leaders loved it and were very impressed with my Spanish{somehow my grammar was perfect during my talk, and it never is, so it wasn't exactly me speaking but ok} and ya, that happened, crazy experience, but I felt very honored that God decided to use me to get that message out to whoever needed it. 

 

Just so grateful that Josh will be starting off his mission with a sure witness that God WILL speak to him, that God WILL direct him in his work (God's work.)  That experience will forever be a part of our family scriptures. Feeling overwhelmed by God's love and direction.

Bon Appetit !!!

Love our Bon Appetit nights with Valene and George Cook!  Valene's my favorite cook (I call her Chef Valene)-  that's funny, I have Valene who is a cook Cook and my dearest college BFF who is a Farmer/Farmer!  Maybe I should be a Will/Will-Yums!  Because I do love me some YUMS!

Back to Bon Appetit.

(and I didn't take very many pictures but I have them on the cooking blog)

Shrimp and Cucumber Salad with a Dill Vinegrette  (I think my favorite dish of the night.  I'm craving it as I type.)

 

Smoked Salmon Rolls





















Sourdough bread

Main Course:

Spice rubbed Chicken Breast (Valene did thighs)

Lemon Pistachio Pilaf

Fresh Corn on the Cob

Bake Fresh Tomatoes with Mozzerella

Riced Cauliflower with a Chutney topping

I made a fresh Lemon Cake with Lemon Curd and Raspberries

As always, our conversation is so fun and uplifting.  We always end with cards- Hand and Foot.  The guys beat again which is okay since Valene and I were pretty ruthless harassing George (who puts down his cards methodically.  Valene had told him earlier in the day, at Costco, with their fast pace- "George, you could never work here."  Brutal!  But he is smart and wonderful.)

Joshua- letter 4

Grandma's 4th letter

Marilyn Williams

Mon 8/6/2018, 5:03 AM

Joshua Williams

Dear Josh-

Here it is- Sunday morning about 11:30 and I probably should start getting ready for church but I thought I’d start this letter, remembering that you P-day is tomorrow instead of Thursday.

This has been a busy week.  As I’m sure I told you last week, I had physical therapy this past week and will have it twice a week for awhile for my tendonidist in my upper right arm.  Actually I have some in my left as well.  I’m to do exercises several times a day and for a slug like me- it requires stepping out of my comfort zone.  Not really.  They are easy although my arm hurts later.  Then on Wed., I had cataract surgery on my right eye.  It was a longer prep time (1 hour- getting into the gown, IV and blood stuff.) than the actual surgery (about 15-20 minutes.)  I need to be careful until it heals and put two different drops in it 4 times a day but that just works into my physical therapy routine!  It’s the pits getting old!

 

But how amazing medical procedures are!  I couldn’t see very well and voila!  I have 20/20 vision in that eye!  Maybe you can perform surgery on anyone you are teaching- immediately give them better vision (although they need to keep doing things to protect that vision like the eye drops….)

Today the Sunday School lesson is on Elijah (my favorite stories in the Old Testament) (his battle with the priests of Baal, the immediate switch of loyalties with the wicked people, his running away and hiding- and learning about “the still small voice.” Ahhhh- I love the whole thing.  Your parents picked great namesakes for you all.  I love all the brave stories of Joshua as well!

 

I will write better next week.  Parker came by this week and we actually had a wonderful, normal conversation.  Progress!!!!  He has his last surgery on his nose in a few weeks.  Keep him in your prayers!

 

Love you- Grandma

Joshua- Letter

Mon 8/6/2018, 5:03 AM

Joshua Williams

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Dear Josh-

Here it is- Sunday morning about 11:30 and I probably should start getting ready for church but I thought I’d start this letter, remembering that you P-day is tomorrow instead of Thursday.

This has been a busy week.  As I’m sure I told you last week, I had physical therapy this past week and will have it twice a week for awhile for my tendonidist in my upper right arm.  Actually I have some in my left as well.  I’m to do exercises several times a day and for a slug like me- it requires stepping out of my comfort zone.  Not really.  They are easy although my arm hurts later.  Then on Wed., I had cataract surgery on my right eye.  It was a longer prep time (1 hour- getting into the gown, IV and blood stuff.) than the actual surgery (about 15-20 minutes.)  I need to be careful until it heals and put two different drops in it 4 times a day but that just works into my physical therapy routine!  It’s the pits getting old!

 

But how amazing medical procedures are!  I couldn’t see very well and voila!  I have 20/20 vision in that eye!  Maybe you can perform surgery on anyone you are teaching- immediately give them better vision (although they need to keep doing things to protect that vision like the eye drops….)

Today the Sunday School lesson is on Elijah (my favorite stories in the Old Testament) (his battle with the priests of Baal, the immediate switch of loyalties with the wicked people, his running away and hiding- and learning about “the still small voice.” Ahhhh- I love the whole thing.  Your parents picked great namesakes for you all.  I love all the brave stories of Joshua as well!

 

I will write better next week.  Parker came by this week and we actually had a wonderful, normal conversation.  Progress!!!!  He has his last surgery on his nose in a few weeks.  Keep him in your prayers!

 

Love you- Grandma

Summer in a Nutshell

I started this entry about a month ago- so this is a rushed catch-up-

 Rachel's wedding a month ago was so lovely.  She was beautiful and stunning in her dress!

I love wedding décor....

My friend Myrna also had a quinceanera party for her 15-year-old daughter at our house.  The decorations were so darling and food fabulous, music with a DJ- all in our backyard!

I just realize I erased half of the party pictures.  Oh well.  I'll add them when her mom sends them to me.

And in addition to lots of pool parties

and family dinners (it took about a dozen pictures of these kiddos before we could get one without silly faces- and we miss Josh terribly!)

 and weddings (Max Parkinson and his bride got married!  We love that boy!) and an awesome  anniversary party at the Summerhays'-

and, and, and...…

I have been falling apart as usual...but trying hard to get pasted back together!  I should have purchased stock in Elmer's Glue....

I fell a couple of months ago and my arm hasn't  been the same.  I got an injection in that arm for something else and started physical therapy last week for the ouchie- tendonitis that is flaming in my right arm.  And burning slightly in my left.  I was totally AFRAID to go to therapy (sorry therapist daughter Brandi) but he was gentle and kind and I think I will live.  Oh, and Brandi had been doing wonderful therapy on my IC joint (is that right?) in my bum for another issue.  Bummer is right.

Then- I had cataract surgery on my right eye on Wed.!  Yeah!  I can see edges again!  The prep was more than I thought it would be (hospital gown, IV and all that- an hour of prep) but the procedure is quick and just miraculous.  I had 20/20 vision in that eye the next day!  Wow!  I will completely recover from that one, and on the 17th have the other one done.  That one will be for reading so once again I will have mono vision.  Medical wonders never cease to amaze! (look, you can see when they marked above my eye to make sure they did the right one! lol) (and I don't think these sunglasses could get any bigger...)

 

Wed. I had the sweetest gift.  Mindy Pearson, a girl I had as a Laurel 20-some years ago messaged me and just wanted to come by and visit.  She's a grown-up now and does counseling and has a great life...and she just wanted to say thank you for loving her way back then.  How awesome is that????  That's what you would call a pay day.  (She'll probably never come again...I literally talked her ear off.  She had to pick it off the floor when she left....) 

 

 Thursday I went to the dermatologist and had a few pre-cancers burnt off.  So can I say I looked really, really cute at church today (no eye makeup until my eye/eyes are healed)  But can I say, I am so happy to see and also to not have skin cancer!  That's a win-win!

Saturday David had a roping in Pocatello and normally I would have stayed home but I decided to ride along and spend the day with niece Mallorie.  I finally got to see her home (that she sold and is moving in a few weeks!), had lunch, went to Idaho Falls to see a wedding venue her mom, Angie, was putting the final reception décor on (she's amazing!)-

then we went to see Mama Mia!  Had just gotten settled in with our popcorn when I get a text from David that he was done and ready to go home!  Bummer!  That was an abrupt ending to our fun day.

That is what I've been up to in the past month - an out-of-breath whirlwind.  Oh, and our friends are falling apart as well.  Both Joe and Tom (Brendalyn and Penny's husbands respectively) have both been in the hospital for kind of serious things but all is well now.  Life is just getting scary.  But it is good.  Scary and good and ouchie and miraculous and slow and fast and overwhelming but full of wonderful things I'm so grateful for! I LOVE my family.  Each one of them and all the sweet time we can be together.  And friends are the BEST!

Tomorrow I have physical therapy again. I won't be so scared this time.  And then I'm making dessert for.....BON APPETIT tomorrow night at Valene's.  Oh- that makes me so happy!  More therapy and another eye check up and I have an Annee Bug date this week since she couldn't make the other kiddo girl's dates.  She needs some alone time (and so does her mom!)

I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my sense of humor suggests I'm 12 while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.