I started this blog (journal) in 2007 and for most of that time, I faithfully recorded my life- things I did, wanted to do, read, ATE, family time, spiritual thoughts, funny stories. It is a treasure all these years later to look back and read and re-learn many of life's lessons once again. This journal is a history not only of my life- but that of my family. The grand kids love putting their names in the search on this blog and finding all the stories I've shared about them. It brings us together.
What is interesting, is, that this of all years, I stopped writing. The year started off a little shaky, but has progressed, month by month, into a life I never dreamed of- but can honestly say, I've planned for inadvertently all my life. I can't remember a time when I have not sought the Lord's hand. All these years I have read my scriptures, took Institute classes, attended my worship meetings, served and served and served. I've washed windows at the church on clean-up days, taking my turn- as we all do, but later learning that the root of worship and service are the same. As I have served, in whatever capacity, I have tried to feel a sense of worship- whether my scouts were swinging from the rafters, my nursery kids crying and pooping and sticking Cheerios up their noses, when I worked 40 hours on a Young Women's slide presentation only to not have the projector work. Those things became minor and a part of the journey. I am good with God. There are times when I have been angry with God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted. Thankfully I continued to pray. Sometimes I have been angry with doctrine or suggestions from the pulpit that wasn't what my "secular" self wanted to hear. Thankfully my scriptures were close at hand. Not always. Not when I was younger. I went through that phase that so often you hear, if I wanted to fall asleep, all I had to do was open my scriptures. I didn't always understand them. But the umpteenth time I made it through them, my language skills improved. I wish I could share the many incidences I have had, having prayers answered through scripture reading. What a gift. I am good with God.
So, in December, after my broken back but before hospitalization with Covid- I learned I had lost a lung. I have shared how an anchor was thrown to me in my sorrow. It was His voice- reassuring me. "We've got this." Three words that have continually pulled me from the waters, lifted me from my deepest abyss, soothed my aching heart. It has been a journey all within minutes- from high to low and then lowest. Years ago I taught Journaling classes and usually encouraged writers to start now rather than at the beginning- because by starting at the beginning, we usually never get caught up. I'm not going to follow my own advice. My latest loss is still too raw and some days my days are filled with a sunken boat and lots and lots of flailing. I do have my lifejacket, and for that I am thankful, but that doesn't mean you don't choke and gag and feel that drowning is imminent. I love humor- humor gets me through a lot of bad times. But I'm not laughing yet so I will share my January experiences- because although they were/are tragic, in hindsight you can laugh a little. These past months have brought our family together like circling wagons. The strength of my husband and kiddos! So blessed. And that really proved itself during January... (start reading at January 28)
